“If They Can’t Tell the Difference, Why Should I Tell Them?”: Transgender Woman Opens Up About Her Dating Life

One of the UK’s youngest transgender patients has revealed that she does not reveal her past to her sexual partners, the Daily Mail reports. Why? Because if they can’t tell the difference, what’s the point? Safe to say, the news has been met with mixed opinions, with many raising the question if there is a moral duty to disclose that you’re transgender to a potential partner. In short, it all boils down to consent. Read on below.

Sex change. Born intersex, Deana O’Riordan’s body was always different, never fitting the typical definitions for male or female. As a teen, her voice never broke, she never grew any facial hair, was infertile, and never went through puberty. Then, shortly after her 21st birthday, O’Riordan, 25, from Devon, Britain, underwent a sex change from male to female after years of battling with her identity.

Past life. O’Riordan, who’s a bartender, now enjoys living life as a woman. However, she refuses to let her lovers know about her past life as a man named Dean, the Daily Mail reports. In particular, she doesn’t find it necessary to tell her one-night stands about it.

Psychological torment. All throughout her child, O’Riordan suffered from psychological torment because she did not identify as male. Though she was born intersex, she had a penis— a penis that she even tried to cut off when she was just six years old. What’s more, in one particularly shocking incident, she even bathed in bleach “to try and cleanse herself of her masculinity,” the Daily Mail reports.

Responses. Unsurprisingly, many have reacted angrily to the news of how O’Riordan handles her love life. However, she insists that it is not their right to know anything about her.

Just having fun. “I’ve been with guys who have not known about it,” she said, the Daily Mail reports. “Obviously if I did date a guy and things were getting more intense I would tell them because it’s a part of my life, but if I’m just having fun like a normal girl would in their 20s, then I don’t have to explain myself.”

Confrontation. O’Riordan went on to explain how she had an uncomfortable confrontation after one experience. “Afterwards, one of them said ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ and I said ‘I don’t come with a manual,’” she told the Daily Mail.

Who I am. “You met me for who I am, if you don’t like it, you know where the door is,” O’Riordan continued. “I’ve gotten to this place in my life now. If a guy can’t accept me for me completely, why would I want to be with him?”

One of Britain’s youngest transgender patients has admitted she doesn’t tell one night stands that she was once a man. РPicture from a photoshoot Deane had.

The difference. O’Riordan went on to note that if her sexual partner at the moment can’t tell the difference, why should she tell them? As one of Britain’s youngest full reassignment patients, she underwent the operation in January 2013— just a month before her 21st birthday. “Throughout my whole life I was living in limbo,” she told the Daily Mail. “My family were very open-minded. They never judged me at all.”

Boyfriend. The 25-year-old told the Daily Mail that she had a boyfriend who she lived with for two-and-a-half years. She told him about her past life as Dean not long after they began dating.

Boyfriend. Fortunately, her past had no affect on their relationship. “I was in a long term relationship and lost my virginity when I was 22 with my first boyfriend,” she explained to the Daily Mail.

Boyfriend. “When I told him, he looked at me and said it didn’t matter, he loved me for who I was,” O’Riordan told the Daily Mail. “We were together for two-and-a-half years.”

Single life. After the pair decided to call it quits, O’Riordan decided to enjoy her newfound singledom. “I’ve got myself into situations where I have had one night stands, I’ve had fun,” she told the Daily Mail. “Some of them knew and some of them didn’t.”

Single life. O’Riordan continued: “The first guy I slept with after my boyfriend was a friend so he knew. Then I got caught up in an affair with someone which was awful. He knew.” She goes on to say how the man she was in an affair with had dropped hints about, though they had never discussed it. Seemingly, she took it as he simply didn’t care.

Singe life. Despite attracting lots of male attention as a bartender and server, O’Riordan told the Daily Mail she’s currently not looking for anything serious. “I get loads of male attention but I can’t be bothered,” she said. “I don’t have time to date guys right now. I’m focused on myself.”

Long battle. Overall, O’Riordan explains that the transitioning process has been a long, hard battle. “Obviously how I felt on the inside was that I am a girl, but I had a penis so it was horrible,” she told the Daily Mail. “It caused me so much distress. I felt like being a boy was a curse that was put upon me.”