When nothing seems to be going your way and you’ve run out of patience, it’s easy for things to get into your head and make you think you’re a bad parent. People often blame themselves for all kinds of things, but if you catch yourself doing this, you probably still have time to get better.

Let’s not forget that most people are doing this parenting thing for the first time, so giving yourself a break wouldn’t hurt. However, if there are clear signs like over or under-involvement, abuse, little or no discipline, or shaming, it might be time to call someone. So, if you want to learn what not to do when (or if) you start a family, or if you just want to know what other people think, this Reddit user has you covered.

“What makes you think, ‘yep, those are sh***y parents?’” – This web user went to one of the most thought-provoking communities on Reddit and asked its members what signs show that a parent is bad. The thread got 1,900 upvotes and 2,000 comments that talked about different traits and behaviors.

 

1.

Heard a mother tell her daughter,

Shut up! I hate your voice.

 

2.

When I hear dads tell their sons to stop crying like girls, it makes me sad. F**k you, guys can feel things too, you know. I don’t think many people realize how bad that kind of attitude is for the mental health of men in general.

 

3.

When their kids are in beauty contests.

 

4.

Parents who don’t think their kids are mean to others.

 

5.

Parents who won’t let their boys do anything remotely feminine.

 

6.

I quit working in clothing stores because I couldn’t stand how parents talked to young teenage girls, especially. As someone who has struggled with mental illness and eating disorders for a long time, I wanted to step in so many times when a parent said their child looked terrible in something they were really excited to try on.

But I got my own back this summer. There was a teen girl who showed her mom some cute overall shorts and begged her mom to let her buy them, even though they were one of the more expensive items in the store. Her mom kept telling her no, saying things like, “You look like a toddler, a train conductor, etc.” I went up to the girl and told her that the shoes looked awesome and that if they made her feel good, she should get them and wear them all the time.

I hate it when parents don’t understand how much their bad attitudes can hurt their children.

 

7.

When they don’t realize that their kid, no matter how small, is a full person with their own feelings, instincts, and paths in life, and they just ignore anything about their kids that they don’t understand or don’t want to be true.

 

8.

Infanilising children. Kids are not stupid. They are in the know. Also, kids who flinch too easily show that their parents rule by fear.

 

9.

When I was eating lunch at McDonald’s, I heard a mother tell her very fat 4-year-old son to “finish his mayonnaise.”

No matter what you think, I was eating there too. But you probably shouldn’t make a kid eat mayonnaise.

 

10.

Parents who don’t care about how their child feels.

 

11.

If your child isn’t clean. I’m not just talking about juice on their faces or grass stains on their clothes. I mean when it’s clear that the child hasn’t taken a bath in days or weeks.

Also, if a child has bad manners and his or her parents don’t do anything about it. You are raising people who are rude and selfish.

 

12.

The theme for your child’s school’s costume day is “dress as your favorite character from your favorite book.” The other kids are coming as Winnie the Pooh, Harry Potter, and Anne of Green Gables.

Not your kid.

Your kid is going as Mr. Grey from Fifty Shades of Grey.

You ARE a s****y parent.

 

13.

The child is nice, smart, and works very hard, but she has ADHD. The child tries her hardest in school, but he just doesn’t learn the way they teach. She gets in trouble all the time, but her siblings, who get the same grades but don’t have a learning disability, don’t. This girl reads all the time and is very good at English and history. She basically rewrites her siblings’ English papers because she is so good at it. But since she has trouble with math and science, people think she is just as good as her siblings. Because she isn’t “good” enough in school to do well, this child is constantly put down and told to give up on her dreams.

 

14.

I used to work at a discount variety store. This dirty, barefoot woman would often bring her kids in with her. I thought she was nice until one day when her daughter asked innocently if she could buy candy, and the mother lost it. She yelled at this 7-year-old kid that they can’t afford it, and I’m not making this up: she called her child a c**t. She yelled out the word. In the open. Her children were always so polite, but they were always dirty. I really felt sorry for them.

 

15.

Last week, I went to a farm with a corn maze. There, I saw a man yelling at his 5-year-old child for crying. He made him sit in the corner of this barn and yelled at him every two minutes to “JUST STOP CRYING!” He finally got up with him, pulled him along by his arm, and screamed and cursed in his face from a distance of less than an inch. I don’t know what this kid did or why he was so mad, but f**k dude, yelling in someone’s face like that, especially in public, is just disgusting.

 

16.

When I hear adults talking to kids in elementary school like they’re adults…

Oh you have it tough!? Well f**k. I worked a s****y day and had to come home to you!

My neighbors…