From the moment you’re born, there’s always something going on around you that can be fun sometimes but can also drive you crazy or leave you completely confused. Life, you know. And if you’re going through something that makes you have more questions than answers, it’s totally fine to ask for help.
Did you know that giving good advice is an art or science just like any other job? Not only do you need to know things, but you also need to be able to find the right advice. But even if you get the best advice possible, that doesn’t mean you have to follow it.
No matter how experienced the person is or how well they know you, if what they tell you to do doesn’t feel right, you should probably go with your gut. And don’t even get us started on people who think they have the right to give you advice “just because,” even if you have never said, “I need advice.”
A piece of advice doesn’t have to always be serious or change your life. Sometimes the best thing you need is funny advice about strange things. Life is full of surprises, and advice that makes you laugh and then helps you out of the blue is definitely useful.
For this article, we found a lot of funny life advice for all kinds of situations. Which one do you think will help you the most? If you have anything to add to this list, please tell us about it in the comments.
1.
Bring a fork along. If someone tries to steal from you, pull it out of your pocket, say, “Thank you, Lord, for this meal I’m about to eat,” and charge at them with the fork.
2.
If you teach a man how to fish, you feed him for a day. If you feed him to the fish, he won’t be hungry again.
3.
Trust dogs. They know who to stay away from at all times.
4.
If you hear strange sounds in the night, just make strange sounds to show who’s the boss.
5.
If you dream that you find a toilet, don’t use it.
6.
Don’t yell at your kids. Instead, lean in close and whisper.
7.
Whether you succeed or not, you won’t have to worry about rent or bills for the next ten years if you try to rob a bank.
8.
If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the internet and watch them appear out of thin air.
9.
If your kids start getting along and being nice to each other out of the blue, you should be very wary.
10.
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
11.
Regardless of how good the hand soap smells, you shouldn’t leave the bathroom with smelly fingers.
12.
If life gives you lemons, put the juice in a water gun and shoot people in the eyes.
13.
If no one from the future comes to stop you from doing it, how bad can it really be?
14.
If someone calls you fat, eat them too.
15.
If you don’t like where you are, you should move. You’re not a plant.
16.
Drinking can cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.
17.
To all the ladies out there. If a guy says he’ll fix something, he’ll do it. It doesn’t make sense to tell him about it every six months.
18.
If you swim with a friend, you’re half as likely to get eaten by a shark.
19.
If you can’t make them see how smart you are, confuse them with nonsense.
20.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
21.
Get married to someone whose favorite cereal isn’t the same as yours, so they won’t eat all of yours.
22.
Don’t give up on your dreams; continue to sleep.
23.
Be a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful.
24.
Don’t let go of your wife’s hand at the mall, or she’ll start looking for things to buy. It might seem romantic, but it’s really just good business.
25.
If you get caught sleeping on the job, slowly lift your head and say, “In the name of Jesus, Amen.”
26.
If there’s a fire, you should leave the building before you tweet about it.
27.
Don’t go back to the places where you broke your bones twice.
28.
Eggs are healthy for you. But sometimes we just can’t take it anymore. Add some butter, chocolate, sugar, and flour, and then bake. Now, eating them every day isn’t as boring.
29.
Say “Jet power!” and walk faster when you have to fart in public.
30.
It only takes a minute to do if you wait until the last minute.
31.
Don’t set your alarm sound as your favorite song. You’ll grow to dislike it.
32.
Don’t make snow angels in a dog park.
33.
Writing. Like. This. Doesn’t. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger.
34.
Do not think that you are a bad person. Think of yourself as a baboon with a lot of power.
35.
A vending machine will sell you a candy bar for $1. You can get all the candy in the vending machine for $2 if you buy a brick.
36.
The best way to stop someone from videotaping you is to blast a song by an artist who takes copyright infringement very seriously.
37.
Don’t be sad, because sad backward is das and das not good.
38.
If you put a teabag in your whiskey, you won’t be judged for drinking during the day.
39.
My father once told me, “Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it’s something your father told you.”
40.
Don’t walk on ice with your hands in your pockets.
41.
If your child sneezes in your face for the first time, don’t laugh, even if it seems funny at the time. You will doom yourself to years of purposeful sneezes right in your face.
42.
If your dog blinks at you, blink back. It may be a secret code.
43.
Don’t lick the bowl; just flush it like an adult.
