People get divorced because of a lack of compatibility and communication. It’s a good idea for people who want to enter into a lifelong marriage to have their expectations out on the table before they say “I do”.
We are breaking down the things that people might want to talk about before getting married.
1. “How are we going to combine finances?”
It is important to plan how to handle the money you are going to make. One shared account that both spouses contribute to each month is needed for each person to have their own. Depending on how much their salaries are, a number of how much is needed monthly can be discussed and agreed upon. When the money from your joint finances can be used is a valid question.
2. “What is your exact debt?”
It is possible to plan ahead on how to handle their debts if you confirm their real debts. People wouldn’t like being in their spouse’s debt after getting married. If they only found out about the amount owed after the wedding, they would feel betrayed. The trust they have in their partner could be affected by this.
3. “How are we saving for our retirement?”
Everyone has to stop working one day. You need to include each other in your retirement plans if you are married. You would need to have enough for 2 people and include the possible medical costs in case you get sick.
4. “Do you plan to have kids?”
Some people don’t want to have kids if they get married. If both spouses want children, there are other things to discuss, such as parenting styles, what you would do if the kids have disabilities, and how you would react if they grew up to be different than you expected.
5. “What will you do if we’re unable to have kids?”
Having children is a must for some people. If a couple can’t bear children, they need to think about what to do next. They could choose to adopt a child, get a surrogate, or get a divorce.
6. “How will we split our chores?”
It would seem like a trivial thing to talk about, but they could be a cause for a fight. A person might feel overwhelmed doing all the chores on their own. It would be better to talk about the chores each person is in charge of in order to make sure there is peace in the house.
7. “What do you consider cheating?”
We might think that there is a universal understanding of what cheating is, but the term could mean different things to different people. One person might think that kissing is cheating, while another might think that just meeting up with an ex is unacceptable. People think that falling in love with someone else is cheating. To avoid a misunderstanding, a couple should talk about how comfortable they are with each other.
8. “What are your dreams and future plans?”
“Where do you see yourself 5 to 30 years down the road?” This may sound like an interview question, but a person’s ambitions may not jive with their partner’s idea of what it means to be happily married. One may be willing to struggle as an artist before making it big, and the other may just want a stable life with a steady income. Asking this question will help people picture what their life will be like.
9. “What are your deal breakers?”
It is wise to tell each other what their pet peeves are so that living together will be enjoyable. The person with the need to keep everything in order may feel more at ease in a chaotic environment. A compromise could be reached if these things are discussed early.
10. “How do you plan to care/provide for your parents?”
It is possible that parents will need to be taken care of as they get older. Before getting married, a couple should consider a number of things, including whether or not they want to live with you, who will take care of them, and how much you want to give them.
11. “What’s your health and mental health history?”
If you are expecting to have kids, you need to be biologically compatible. They could be honest with each other about their mental and physical health histories. They can mentally prepare for what may happen in the future.
12. “Where do you want to live?”
People might not talk about this before they get married. It could make a huge difference if they settle in the countryside or the city. If one of the spouses wants to live in an apartment and the other wants to live in a house with a porch out front, it might lead to unhappiness. If one expects to live near their friends or family while the other thinks the home is only a temporary home, arguments could break out.
13. “How much time do you want to spend together?”
It doesn’t mean the couple needs to spend all their time together 24/7. They still have their own needs. They will need to give each other time. It is important to know what is expected from each other before getting married.
14. “What do you want to happen after you die?”
It is important to be on the same page, especially when people are about to celebrate sharing life together. People prefer to be buried or cremated after they pass away. Everyone has a different opinion on what to do if someone is on life support.
15. “What are your expectations for our social lives?”
People are expected to attend certain events together after they are married. Sometimes married people want to hang out with their friends. It may be worth discussing what social events they intend to attend together and who they should know when they get married.
Before getting married, what should couples talk about? What did you discuss with your significant other before you got married?
