If you’ve ever been under anesthesia or been around someone who has, you know that things can get pretty goofy.
There are some hilarious anecdotes about what patients have said in this Reddit thread.
Gas wins. Always.
I had a colonoscopy last month and had a conversation with the lady who administered the propofol.
Me: How long will it take to kick in?
Her: You will be out in less than 10. I always win.
Immediately after that, I felt it and followed with:
“You’ll never take me down!”
– by Redditor u/PeeepNTom
Just put her out.
“I had hand surgery. The anesthesiologist was the only person I could see. I told him some jokes while I was laying down. I remember hearing the doctor laugh on the other side of the curtain, followed by “Would you put her out?!” Then there was blackness.”
– by Redditor u/laustcozz
That’s a fair question.
It happened today.
A patient with a broken ankle was coming out of anesthesia when he was wheeled out. The door frame was hit by the anesthesiologist.
Patient: Did you just do surgery on my leg?
The anesthesiologist told the patient said that they were waking up from the surgery, to which the patient replied “Why are you running into things?”
– by Redditor u/Doc__2020
That’s somewhat rude.
“Not an anesthesiologist but my tight-mouthed, extremely Christian great-grandma asked, ‘Who is that ugly son of a [expletive]?’ while she was waking up from surgery. The person she was talking about? It was her preacher who had stopped by to check on her. She never lived that one down. At her funeral, the story was told. She was a strict lady but she was also a great lady with a good sense of humor.”
– by Redditor u/RecoveringBulimic
Thirst shall be obeyed.
“When I came out of surgery at the age of 14, I told everyone I was fine, and felt just like that Gatorade bottle my mom got for me. I tipped it upside down as I maintained eye contact with her after I took it. My memory ends there because I got Gatorade all over me. After looking confused, I just shrugged and fell asleep.”
– by Redditor u/lyrarose24
“H20? Yes, please!”
“When I had surgery last year, they had a communal room where around seven to eight people would wake up at the same time before being sent to individual rooms. I woke up and heard someone else ask if they wanted some water. This really excited me. There was nothing else in the world that I wanted more than to be asked if I wanted water. I yelled ‘Hey, ask me if I want water!’ as much as I could. I’m pretty sure it came out in a tone like “I wanna speak to your manager,” but I was excited about the water.”
– by Redditor u/OAMP47
The war of pukes.
“I looked at my mother and started laughing. She asked what was funny. Told her she had horns. I was coming out of all the drugs and the nurse told me that she was going to puke on me, so I said, ‘Oh man, the next time I puke I’m gonna puke on you. I did and he said that he was not mad at me because my aim was good.”
– by Redditor u/msgkila
That’s fair.
“I had surgery because of a broken leg. My friends and relatives came to my room to see if I was doing okay, and I woke up to about a dozen of them around me. I looked around and saw that everyone was yelling at me, so I went back to sleep. My friends thought it was funny. My mom was very upset.”
– by Redditor u/ebimbib
“You gotta prove that you aren’t Satan.”
“Two of my patients are coming out of anesthesia.
Patient: Is it possible that I’m in hell?
Me: You’re just in recovery.
That sounds like something the devil would say.
The person who stroked my arm while I was trying to keep him from pulling at his IV said, ‘You’d make such a great carpet.'”
– by Redditor u/[deleted]
Some serious shade is thrown.
“When I was a small child, my anesthesiologist tried to calm me down with a joke. My mom told me that I commented on the joke as being not at all funny and that I hoped he was more talented as a doctor.”
– by Redditor u/CoreCorg
Quite an interesting way to wake up.
“After my husband went under last year, he woke up and was as sober as a church mouse. Asking serious questions of the doctor is not an issue. He described the procedure to me in detail. I assumed he never went completely under.
We loaded up our first load of plates after he was craving Chinese food and nothing else. He woke up from the anesthesia at the buffet. He remembers waking up in front of a plate of chicken teriyaki on a stick.”
– by Redditor u/Calliope
It had been their baby all this time.
“By the time I had a C-section, I had been in labor for 36 hours, awake for 48, and was exhausted and super out of it. I asked my husband if it was the baby after the doctor held up the object. He said, “Actually yes that’s our baby!” I told him that I was positive that it was not the baby and that he had no proof of it. This is a spoiler alert. It was the baby.”
– by Redditor u/rshana
Definitely a charmer.
“I had a patient coming out of anesthesia who opened his eyes when I switched him from a mask to a nasal cannula and said, “This hospital has the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen”.
It made me blush and made the rest of my day awkward.
– by Redditor u/EmmaLeePants
Witches give what? Stitches!
“When I was put under for a colonoscopy, I didn’t fall asleep. I looked at the nurse and said “Umm, I don’t notice anything”. She squeezed my wrist and said ‘Just give it a moment. I mumbled “Oh that’s you magic witch” as soon as she said that I was fading out.”
– by Redditor u/SirSwagAlotTheHung
“I’d like to know about my memories.”
“Before the procedure, they gave me a relaxer. The doctor asked what I had done over the weekend. I told her that I went to the Minnesota State Fair. She asked me if I ate anything interesting. I asked, “why don’t you tell me?” There was no laughter in the room. And then I left. I think she gave me an extra shove because I half woke up during the procedure.”
– by Redditor u/deadpuppet137
Jack and Rose’s hearts will go on.
“The nurse was trying to position me in a way that would make it easier for them to work while I was about to be put under for a colonoscopy. When I asked the nurse to paint me like a French girl, I passed out and had my knees to my chest. Still makes me cringe.”
– by Redditor u/JohnTheRockCena
He was mistaken as a ninja.
“A guy who had surgery wanted to go home. Just…The nurse wouldn’t let him get up yet because he wasn’t recovered enough.
He turned to the nurse and said “You may not know, but I’m a ninja and we heal three times faster than normal people.”
He ate the floor when the nurse stopped trying to keep him in bed.”
– by Redditor u/AdmiralEsarai
“Can you please remove the Goblin?”
“Patient. Woke up halfway through a colonoscopy and asked the doctor if he had removed the ‘arsegoblin’.
– by Redditor u/brewbaron
That betrayal though.
“I had to undergo surgery for my broken hand. He put a mask on my face and said it was oxygen. As the mask goes on, I cough. I said “I trusted you” when he removed the mask. His lying is the last thing I remember.”
– by Redditor u/Fabio_The_Unseen
Such a brave boy.
“If my 9-year-old son needs his right leg to be amputated at the hip, he will be going under the knife. He said, ‘I’m a brave boy, I’m a brave boy.”
Damn, broke me, now I’m typing this. What a kid.”
– by Redditor u/RevNeutron
