Christmas is the biggest, most festive, and happiest time of the year for some people because they get to spend time with their families that they can’t see more often. Even though the word family has a positive meaning, not everyone shares the same experience.
The holiday season causes more stress and anxiety for them. When you become an adult, you can choose not to go back to the place that made you feel unwanted, abused, or not understood.
It is not a sin to dislike your family and not want to see them on holidays when doing something else would bring you more joy. You would think that is rare. People shared what bothered them so much about their families that they don’t want to see them ever after JustBo-Lieve asked “What’s your ‘that’ that’s why I don’t go home for the holidays’ story?”
1.
I spend the holidays with my girlfriend’s family because my parents only want me to come home if I stop being gay.
2.
My wife’s side of the family is not my family. I don’t want to go to any of their holiday gatherings. I lived in the Saint Louis area most of my life and she is from a small town in Western Missouri and I think I was too much of a Saint Louis city slicker for her family. As my wife was introducing me to her extended family I hear someone say “look at him all dressed up nice and fancy, I bet you’re one of those city folk who voted for that n-word Obama.” I just looked at my wife like “please get me out of this hillbilly hell…” I’ve never gone back. Yeeeeeehaaawwww!
3.
I haven’t seen my family in a while. The holidays were during college. The men were yelling the N-word at the TV while watching football, and they told me I was going to burn in hell for dating a Jew.
I went to hang out with my baby cousins, who were in middle and high school, and one of them told me that white people can only get AIDS if they have sex with people of other races.
I stopped contact with my family after my grandfather’s death.
4.
I’m pretty sure that being abused while I was digging a grave for my dog was the last straw.
5.
My parents would give me gifts like chocolate or random things that I don’t need. They would say “oh you’re too fat to eat it, you don’t want that chocolate right?” They’d give my gift to their friend’s kids. A year after my sister got an iPad, she got a MacBook.
I don’t want to go home to a place that is always mean to me. I make sure I give my sister a good present, but I’m gone.
6.
Both parents have psychological issues. I took care of my family as a child. It’s time for me to take care of myself now that I’m an adult.
7.
I didn’t want to go back after being kicked out at 15.
8.
My wife’s family is no longer alive. My mother is the only one still alive. She decides it’s time to meddle in our marriage whenever we see her. Things got so bad after she left that we went to a marriage counselor. The counselor told us to limit our contact with the nightmare mother/mother-in-law. We don’t hear from her anymore.
9.
I don’t want to listen to my extended family during the holidays.
10.
The eating disorder I had in high school was caused by the comments of my extended family.
When I started eating a healthy amount again, they would pick on me and tell me that it would all catch up to me one day.
11.
My grandmother told my wife that she should pass away because she didn’t like me very much.
I will spit on her if I look in that old b**ch’s direction again.
12.
My husband’s family is better at making reliable plans than my family is. I can’t travel all the way across the country to see my sister and brother if they don’t come up with a plan a day or two in advance. You’re coming into town. When you get here, text us and we’ll meet up. They forgot they had other obligations when I arrived. You’re almost 50 years old. You can buy a calendar.
13.
My mother was told not to associate with her child and grandchild by the leader of the Islamic-based sect she had been in. This December is a great time for lots of free time and excess cash.
14.
My family has crabs. I had to get help from the outside. I watched my siblings get pulled into the black hole of Suck as they tried to get out. Even though they are living on their own, they are still hauled back into the bucket on a regular basis.
If I get too close, they will try to re-infect me with their stupid, needy, passive-aggressive squalor.
My parents are incompetent at a lot of life skills. They are mediocre as parents, bad with money, and irresponsible in a lot of small ways that left me with weird baggage.
15.
My aunt tried to hit me.
I think she has a demon inside of her, so let’s try and get the demon out with fire and prayer.
16.
As a child, I was lugged by my parents. I had to spend Christmas at the other parent’s home if I spent Thanksgiving at one. As an adult, I don’t like to pick sides, so I chose neither, and now that I’m out of university, I have a full-time job as my scapegoat. I love both of them, but I don’t want to hurt either of them.
17.
Parents are very religious. The brother is an unbeliever (used to be a pastor) in a poly marriage. The drama is not worth it.
18.
My dad is an armchair anthropologist and he will study me with a notebook in hand. I’ve learned never to watch Rachel Maddow in his house, otherwise, he’ll break out the 8mm and provide annoying ‘and now we find the liberal in its natural habitat’ voice-over narration.
19.
I have to ask my relatives if I have gifts for them or why I put on so much weight. I can’t eat my pudding.
20.
I don’t have a place to live. My mom and dad both passed away when I was young. Before I turned sixteen, I was living on my own.
It sometimes feels like I’m just another grain of sand in the desert because my grandparents took me in for a year until I got my own place.
21.
My family is full of bad feelings and alcohol. The holidays are supposed to be full of good feelings but every time one comes around someone mysteriously pulls up drama from 1992 and ruins everything. I’m going to work.
22.
Jesus. I left home at 17 because my parents were against other ideas. It’s too much to take on anything other than the phone at that level. I will not visit.
23.
For some reason, my brother and his wife are unfriendly towards my family. My parents drove 8 hours to see them and ended up sitting in their hotel room all weekend because he wouldn’t make plans or cancel at the last second. My parents supported him well into his 30’s.
Every family function consists of my folks coddling my brother and having him either blow them off or show up briefly and be a complete a** the whole time.
I have a psycho aunt who attacks me at will. My family has a lot of mental problems.
24.
I’m in my 20’s and my family is mostly passed away. There are no brothers or sisters that live in the area. My in-laws live in my hometown. I get panic attacks when I go back.
25.
It’s just about the location, not as interesting as others. I moved to San Diego three years ago. I don’t like Indiana. It was boring, cold, and flat the last time I was there.
I came up with a term for the way I felt. Very sad.
26.
I moved 1000 miles away from my hometown to attend college. I was told by my mom that I needed to make some friends my first semester because a round trip flight to Thanksgiving wasn’t in the budget.
It’s okay. Last year I went home with my roommate, but this year I’m staying with my boyfriend. I’m involved with the Macy’s parade and it keeps me busy. I don’t mind waiting a few weeks until winter break because I think my mom would find a way to fly me back.
27.
Every holiday, my father and my stepbrothers get into fistfights. I moved over 300 miles away after getting married and I’m not sure if that has changed my tendency to get yelled at a lot. My husband has tried to convince me to go home for Christmas. I would rather go to this state.
28.
For the last 11 years, we’ve had the holidays by ourselves. We have a husband and two young adult children. The grandparents have died. We used to get together with my husband’s brother and his family, but after he divorced, it was too hard to set up plans since the kids were with their mother some of the time. It’s even harder to arrange since some people are married or involved and have other places to go.
“Home” is now us. My kids don’t like their cousins. They’ve been missing them for over a decade and now it’s a happy memory. I hope someday we’ll be able to change it, but I don’t know how to do that.
29.
Is it because they come to my home? I don’t know if I am doing this right.
30.
Everyone is spread out over a huge state that gets very cold during the holidays. It’s still 70 this time of year, so they can come and see me.
They can wait until I visit in the summer.
