It’s not wrong to want some privacy in your own home. Everyone needs some alone time, whether it’s for their hobbies, their thoughts, or just to relax in a hot bath. We don’t want to feel crowded or uncomfortable in our own houses at all costs. Some visitors—friends or family—overstay their welcome, and polite reminders don’t always work.
One Redditor described how her husband’s family continued to visit frequently after the lockdowns were lifted. She felt trapped in a never-ending cycle of hosting people, cleaning up after them, and scarcely having any time (or space!) to herself. When she finally had enough, she made a significant change to get control of the situation by converting one of the bedrooms into her personal office/game room. That implied that some of her in-laws would no longer be able to remain with her and would instead need to book a hotel room. The woman’s husband, however, believed it to be a jerk action.
For the complete account of the events, written by the OP, scroll down. You can also read how the AITA community responded to the family problem. What do you think, Pandas, about what just happened? What action would you have taken? Do you believe the post’s author violated any laws? Post your comments with your ideas.
In order to learn more about how to set good boundaries with our family members without offending them and why it’s acceptable to seek some privacy, Hiptoro contacted Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D. Professor Degges-White is the chair of the department of counseling and higher education at Northern Illinois University and a licensed counselor.
The professor stressed the significance of having distinct boundaries in every area of our lives. “When we continually ‘give in’ to others’ requests, we set up the pattern and expectation that we are willing to sacrifice our own needs and resources for that person.”
To seek some peaceful time in your own house is not illegal. Sadly, that isn’t always achievable.
A woman described her attempts to deal with the problem of her in-laws persistently spending too long at her home.
With a few modifications, the original post expanded on the details of the circumstance.
The OP believed that having her own office was completely within her rights. She does her work at home. She needs a quiet place to be by herself. Also, she received the house from her parents, making it her own today. The vast majority of the AITA crowd believed that there was nothing improper about the woman.
The Redditor clarified how many guests are frequently staying at her home in a few changes to her story. She added that she intended to turn one of the bedrooms into her own office, and her husband was well aware of this. So it’s obvious that there was communication. That didn’t stop the husband from being angry with his wife for establishing boundaries and needing some peaceful time alone in the house.
What may be done when establishing a new barrier with someone close to you?, Professor Degges-White explained. This is particularly effective when you’ve had trouble setting boundaries in the past.
You might try telling them something like this, suggests the counselor: “I really enjoy your company, and I’m glad you feel comfortable in our home; however, MY work demands are heavy and I really need some downtime to be able to be my best at work and with you.”
Another thing you may say is: “My work demands are really growing and I’m finding that I need more time to balance my work and home life obligations. I will miss spending so much time with you, but I need to ask that the visiting decrease in time for a bit.”
According to the professor, as long as you’re “showing up” in partnerships in ways that other people find valuable as well, there is never anything wrong with wanting to spend some time alone.
“Each of us has very different needs when it comes to alone time, and it’s okay to need more than a partner. However, there may be compromises that need to be worked out so that one person doesn’t always co-opt the time of the other. Making space for solitary pursuits is important to emotional well-being. So, too, is social connection and spending time with those people whose company you enjoy,” Professor Degges-White explained that there’s a balance between the two that needs to be found within the relationship.
“Family obligations, though, sometimes may mean having to spend time with people whose company you don’t particularly enjoy, but do have an obligation towards. Sometimes, you can cut short visits with family/others whose company you don’t prefer, but when it comes to spending time with your partner’s family, sometimes you have to acquiesce to their wishes as part of a larger relational balance,” she said.
“Striking a deal, such as spending time one weekend with family but having the prerogative to claim an equivalent amount of time for your solitary pursuits the following weekend.”
In an interview with Jessica Leigh Clark-Bojin, a well-known pie artist who has experience throwing dinner parties, they discuss tactfully and not so tactfully requesting guests to leave when they overstay their welcome.
“There are any number of unforgivable dinner guest faux-pas, everything from a guest refusing to take off their stiletto heels on your new softwood floors, or bringing extra guests or kids to a dinner party when they were not invited (no, just no), to refusing to try anything served to them, or haranguing others about their diet choices,” she said.
“But perhaps the most egregious is the guest who, perhaps after imbibing a few adult beverages too many, refuses to take the hint and hit the road after everyone else has left.”
Jessica informed us that she prefers the straightforward method, such as saying, “YAWN! Well, I’m beat. Great party! Can I call you a cab?’”
In the remarks section of her widely shared post, the woman added some further insight.
Here are some AITA community members’ responses to the OP’s story.
